Saturday, August 23, 2008

Some quick thoughts on a Saturday at Bristol

BRISTOL, Tenn. - A few quick notes as the crowd gathers for tonight's Sharpie 500 at Bristol Motor Speedway:

* * *

On the way back to the hotel in Johnson City last night, I passed a store with a lighted signboard that read:

BEER
BAIT
LOTTERY

Sometimes you can say a lot with just a few words.

* * *

Not for nothing, but there's a can of White Rain hair spray in the men's bathroom in the press box. I hope they didn't think this was the TV booth by mistake.

* * *

They keep saying that cockroaches will be the only thing that survives a nuclear holocaust. I disagree. I think golf carts will make it, too. Even if you destroyed 95 percent of the ones that are swarming around this place there'd still be enough rolling to make it look like an anthill.

* * *

So I am watching the Olympics the other night and they show the gold-medal race for BMX bicycles. Americans got the silver and the bronze, but the gold went to somebody from Latvia.

Latvia?

How in goodness name is anybody from Latvia the best BMX bike racer in the world? There are 20 kids at every park in the United States, driving down steps and jumping over sidewalks, who should be able to wax the best rider there has ever even been in Latvia.

* * *

Have you seen the deal where the guy from Cuba who got disqualified from a taekwondo match in the Olympics kicked the referee who made that call right in the face? Just hauled off and put a Bruce Lee right on the ref's chops. If Cuba has a World Wide Wrestling equivalent, that guy's gonna get rich.

* * *

Paula Deen was here Friday, serving as the grand marhsal for the Nationwide race. Deen's story is a great one and she's my kind of cook. But I am telling you that if Paula had seen the fried chicken the track's caterers had the nerve to serve for dinner that night she would have had a stroke.

* * *

Seriously, how many engineers did it take and how long did they have to work to develop hotel pillows that are precisely too thin to use one at a time but entirely too thick to use in a stack of two?

* * *

Have I mentioned that I truly do hate The Wave?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

So,did they set the Guiness record for the wave?

marc said...

Poole - "How in goodness name is anybody from Latvia the best BMX bike racer in the world?

Better question, why isn't auto racing in the Olympics?

Brenda said...

David, I can't feel your pain because I would have loved to have been there instead of sitting in my comfortable cabin in cool northern Michigan enjoying the race from my recliner. Or would I?

Mike Hutton said...

Sorry to hear about the bad chicken. That's just not right.

HEATHER said...

OH dear! Bad fried chicken is really a CRIME against humanity!
Colonel Harland Sanders was my grandparent's neighbor, so bad fried chicken is just NOT something I am familiar with!

TexasRaceLady said...

Two thoughts ---
Bad fried chicken --- I have to agree with Heather --- that is a crime against humanity.

Hotel pillows --- I share your pain --- that's why I never go anywhere without my own pillows.

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